Relationship Maladies: The Sex Crazies

It’s a classic story. Girl meets boy. Boy takes girl out on a few dates. Girl sleeps with boy after date number 3 because that’s the acceptable amount of dates to wait to put out and also girl has had a few drinks. Girl turns into A CRAZY PERSON.

Some straight-up Jack Nicholson shit.

You ladies know what I’m talking about. After you break the sex barrier, this dude and sex and sex with this dude is LITERALLY all you can think about. You’re in class or at work and you know you should be paying attention to what you’re supposed to, but you just have a craving for penis and you can’t stop thinking about it. You think about texting him every seven seconds just to see what he’s doing, and your brain is constantly devising new excuses for you to see him so you can jump his bones. Of course, you can’t show him that you all of a sudden turned into a pathological sex fiend, and this makes you even crazier because you have to bottle all of these feelings up inside. The only cure for the sex crazies is more sex, and that just restarts the whole cycle.

Well ladies, let me tell you that there is an actual physical hormonal reason for this! You see, there’s this amazing hormone called oxytocin. It’s called the love hormone – and with good reason! It’s released at some very special moments in your life. Oxytocin is the driving hormone during labor – it’s what makes women push that baby out and then forget how damn much it hurt later so that they keep having babies. It’s there a little bit when you first hold hands with someone. It’s there a little bit more when you kiss someone. And it bursts out in all its crazy hormonal glory when you do the horizontal mattress mambo.

Oxytocin is the hormone that made the Cavemen stick around after they impregnated the Cavewomen. Instant (artificial) personal attachment! Yay!

Oxytocin is regulated in your body by something called a positive feedback loop. Which means that a trigger tells your body to produce oxytocin (in this case trigger = sex) and then from that point on the oxytocin tells your body to make more oxytocin. Dudes produce oxytocin too (although not as much) and all the oxytocin in his body tells your body to make more and more and more and then you go CRAZY.

Unfortunately the only way to avoid getting the sex crazies is to not have sex, and we just don’t see that as an option. So go forth into the dating world armed with this knowledge. Science is the reason that you are crazy, not some sort of weird feminine mystery of craziness.

Stand Back! I'm super hormonal! (all credit to xkcd)

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