When You Give A Boy A Muffin

As young women in a world where websites like FoodGawker and Pinterest exist on the internet for all to see, it is our privilege to have access to an oven. Dead are the days where making food was a requirement; baking has gone from nutrition to expression. We bake because we are. And as women, we’re free to do so.

muffins

"Look at me! How can you just eat me all by yourself? Give me away!"

However, you don’t have to have an extensive background in baking to know that it’s more fun when it’s for others. We can only eat so many muffins by ourselves before we start to feel bad about ourselves. Our muffins were baked to be given away.

But you can’t just give my muffins away to anyone. Your girlfriends are probably already baking up their own muffins by now. I know The Pumpkin and Le Chocolat Nonpareil are. If you really wanted to you could just give them to everyone you meet, but that might not go over so well with the diabetics and anyone who has gone vegan or gluten-free. Not everyone is so into free muffins these days. This isn’t the ’60s.

Surely some guys would appreciate your muffins, though. I mean, it’s not like they can make their own muffins. There’s no replacement for nice fresh batch of muffins baked by a girl for a guy. It’s just natural for a guy to accept a thing like that when a girl offers. He’s probably got a sweet tooth. He needs to take whatever baked goods he can get.

There are a few things to keep in mind when giving away your muffins:

  1.  DO Always use baking cups. You don’t want crumbs getting everywhere. And even when you use cups, you’d be surprised how persistent crumbs can be! However, more often than not, baking cups will contain crumbs and prevent any messy mistakes. It’s better to be safe!

    IMG_6274

    There's seriously a gazillion different varieties of cups. Image courtesy of Bakerella.

  2. DO NOT Make the delivery the entire point of the meeting. It’s safe to say that no one likes to get muffins just thrown at them. To throw another baking metaphor into the mix (another still!), make the muffins the icing, not the cake. You and this guy should be friends at least on some level, however superficial. Consider it a red flag if the guy makes any uncalled for mentions of the muffins before you’re ready to unveil them. They are your muffins to give, after all! You don’t need to put up with pushy gift-getters.

    guy girl

    Share ideas and try out new recipes. That's what the internet's for, right?

  3. DO Ensure that you’re prepared to part with your muffins! You can always make more, but once he has the muffins, he’ll eat ’em up! And he’s not obligated to do anything for you in return. So if you’re using your muffins to try and con a guy into anything, ABORT THE BAKING MISSION ENTIRELY. Burn the recipe. Start from scratch.

    WHOA! It looks like he even HELPED with her muffins!

  4. DO NOT Let anyone else tell you what kind of muffins to make, or who you should give your muffins to. If you’ve got muffins to give, it is your right to give them! Give them away, and enjoy how it feels. No muffin is too plain or too exotic. You’re a baker! You’re allowed to share your gift!

I hope this inspires at least someone out there to bake up something nice, meet a nice fellow, and give him muffins. And by muffins I mean sex.

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