Breaking up with Friends

It’s not you, it’s me. Alright no, it actually is you.

We’re just going different places in life right now.

And don’t lie, I know about that other girl.

Ya ya ya we all know how to break up with the loser that’s dragging us down, but what if that loser is a friend, and NOT a member of the opposite sex? There aren’t any witty chick flicks for that or sassy supportive friends telling you “You are so right and they are so wrong! Just forget him! You are awesome and you are strong and you don’t need this person in your life!”

So what happens when you first realize that it’s time to break up with a friend? You might start to wonder “Is this normal? Am I a sucky friend? Am I going to get my girl card taken away?!

Don’t get dramatic. Girl cards don’t exist. And if they did, they wouldn’t get taken away for breaking up with a friend that deserves it. How do you know if they deserve it? Keep reading.

1)We’re going different places
You two have been friends since you were 8 and lived down the street from each other. You became friends because you were 8 and lived down the street from each other. The similarities end there. You usually don’t break up with these friends, just kinda stop calling and are conveniently busy whenever they want to hang out. Distance makes this easier and sometimes the friend accepts it. But when they don’t, you may have to have the:

2) We’ve both changed and it’s time to move on
talk. Ya it sucks. And what you mean to say is “I’ve grown up and what used to be amusing is now very obnoxious and I can’t handle you.” I’ve had a conversation like this, and trust me. It sucks. Tips? Don’t choose a public place to tell your parasitic friend that you need more space (and dear Lord don’t use the word parasitic). Tears may happen. Screaming may happen. Throwing things may happen. I only experienced the first two and decided a public place was not a wise choice. Panera is no place for heavy sobbing.

I'll pay for your You-Pick-Two as a parting gift!

3) YOU’RE CHEATING ON ME?!?!
Yes. It is possible and dare I say just as hurtful when a friend cheats on you. True story: I call up a close friend one Friday night and ask if she wants to hang out (go see a movie, grab drinks, you know, just hang out) and she sighs and tells me she has so much work to do and isn’t feeling well and is going to stay in and call it an early night. I get it, I’ve been there, I say goodnight and hang up. Later, as I’m casually perusing Facebook, I see her status update describing in detail her recap of her super fun night out with her new bestie. What the heck. I could get over it if were one time, but she kept blowing me off for the same girl. I know what you’re thinking- maybe she was trying to break up with me. I considered it. But then, she would contact me later and try to hang out. What? You think I cant see your constant twitter updates that do not match the story you told me? Crazy girl. I’m not dealing with your bipolar attitude. WHAT DOES THAT OTHER GIRL HAVE THAT I DON’T?! Whatever. I’m moving on. This friendship is over.

So what about you? Ever have to break up with a friend? Ever been the friend that’s been broken up with? Share your stories here.

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