Halloween…That time of year when women get to dress like sluts, men get to be jerks, and its all acceptable because it’s Halloween. I find myself starting to think about my Halloween costume as early as late August. I want to be the cute girl who’s got the funny and sweet costume, but doesn’t look too easy (too easy to get in the sack that is). I want it to seem like I put thought into my costume, but not too much thought, because I’m busy, and important, and have other things to do. Also, I don’t want to spend $200 on a costume I’m gonna wear once, and most likely have to trash at the end of the night, because it’s covered in booze. These are observations I’ve made, in my humble opinion, of what your Halloween costume says about you:
Dudes- You throw something on, like a trash bag, a hat, or a silly mask:
You are lazy. You are lazy, and probably only want to ogle half naked women, get wasted, and maybe get lucky with one of the many girls wearing their daddy issues on their sleeve. Or should I say their naked tummies. You don’t really care about Halloween, but you’re not gonna miss out on an abundance of parties and scantily-clad women.
Gals or Dudes- Way, super elaborate costume:
Halloween is not the only time of year that you dress up. You’ve probably been to Comic-con, or Mega-con, a few times, and seen the costume BIG GUNS come out. Those events are like the Olympics of costuming, and you are bringing that kind of competitiveness to the mere-mortal holiday of Halloween. The n00bs aren’t gonna know what him them. Matter of fact, they probably don’t even know who it is you’re dressing up as. But this little “random contraption thingy” will def get you laid tonight.
Gals- Underwear as a costume:
My Daddy didn’t love me enough.
Dudes- Underwear as a costume:
…………..You tell me.
Gals or Dudes-Scary Costume:
You’re probably into zombies and ghouls and stuff, and hey, this is what Halloween is all about! BEING SCARY. All of these pussies dressing up as fairies and cops just don’t get it. “Oh, so my gaping wound make up is making you nauseous? GO HOME LITTLE BABY.” This person is probably talking really loud, and swearing a lot because they want you to notice them. If the sores on their face don’t offend you, hearing them talk about doing inappropriate things to the family pet def well.
Gals- Sexy ______ costume:
You’re into your body (you didn’t skip every other meal for for the past month for nothing!) And you want the world, (but mainly your crush when he sees pics of the night on Facebook) to know it. You maybe freezing your butt off, but the looks of pure lust you’re getting from every guy you walk by in your sexy animal/superhero/service industry costume makes it all worth it.
In short, I think all anybody wants is to get away with shit that would never fly the other 364 days a year. Just remember folks, let’s save this stuff for after the kids go to bed, as to protect their little minds from all the adult debauchery that is Halloween.
Love, Sparkles Glitterati